Before Kelly Clarkson’s song “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” is cancelled for toxic positivity, new research keeps the song current if you try a twist…A 2024 study suggests that resilience (bouncing back from setbacks) is more likely to emerge from stress if…paired with self-compassion! Building on prior findings that self-compassion lowers stress, the new study shows that even with rising stress, self-compassion strengthens. Self-compassion is being kind to yourself through challenges. Here are Kelly’s lyrics to “Stronger” and a Therapist’s Version with tips:
1. “Thanks to you, I got a new thing started”: If you feel the “source” of your stress doesn't deserve your gratitude, I get you. But shifting to recognize that “stress” itself is strengthening your coping and problem-solving muscles, may boost productivity! Studied viewers of “stress-is-enhancing” messaging reported better mood and work performance than viewers of “stress-is-debilitating” messaging.
2. “Thanks to you, I'm finally thinkin' 'bout me”: If your baseline self-compassion is low, efforts to turn up the volume on self-compassion matter. The research found increasing self-compassion with stress rather than a steady “I am self-compassionate” trait is a driver of future resilience!
3. “Stand a little taller, doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone”: True, lonely is a feeling that isn’t a given when alone. But if you are lonely (alone or together), that’s ok and self-compassion if not standing taller is key! Likewise, stress is complex, and recognizing that stress strengthens and also sucks, avoids a mind F***.
Singing can lower cortisol and improve cognition of the message so belt out “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” if feels good for you! And remember self-compassion if you’re off key, in the song or in life.
If you’d like personalized approaches to turn up self-compassion this November month of giving thanks, I’m available for private and couple’s sessions. Sonu Kori, Psychotherapy Extern, Carmichael Psychology.
This blog post is written by Sonu Kori.